The morning sickness got increasingly worse, but I didn't really start puking until 10ish weeks or so, and even then, it wasn't much. I just felt horrible all day every day.
During the few weeks between finding out and the first appointment, I finally came to the realization that all of the issues I was having with Andy stemmed from nutso hormone levels. I finally decided that I wasn't going to leave him- both because I didn't want to and because there is no way I could ever raise a baby without him around.
So October 5 came around....I even took one more test before I went for the appointment (Andy still doesn't know this) because I secretly doubted that it just randomly fell out of me in my sleep, even if I knew that's not how it happened. We saw our little baby that day. It was so sweet to see "him"...he even moved for us....that made it real <3
There really isn't a whole lot between that day and December 27....THE DAY! I was so nervous that day. Andy and I had picked out a girls name at least a month before then (it will still remain secret just in case there ever happens to be another one) but we never picked out a boys name. I was convinced it was a girl, however we sat and debated for a good 3 hours the night before trying to come up with a name....just in case. Of course I didn't sleep the night before, that's just silly! And the hours drug on the next morning up until it was finally time to go see my goat again. The sonographer took what seemed like hours doing her measurements and what not before she finally turned the screen around for Andy and me to see. She's showing us the face...and the arms...and the legs...and she's like.."see that?" ...."congratulations, you're having a boy" ....and boy was he ever a boy! She gave us our pictures and we went to see my doctor. He looked, and agreed....it was definitely a boy! Good thing we picked out a boys name the night before, huh?
I got a call early the next week saying that they didn't get a real good picture of his heart during the ultrasound and they wanted me to come back in. No biggie, she said...he was just laying in an odd position. I was nervous, but put those feelings aside knowing that I was going to get to see him again.
I went for the ultrasound and she took lots of pictures and said she thought she got a good one this time. I went to my appointment a few weeks later and the doctor said she still didn't get a good picture, but the sonographer said everything looked OK. I could either choose to go with that assumption or I could go to IU to get a Level II ultrasound- fetal echo. We had decided to just assume everything was OK, but word got out to Andy's family and his mom started driving me mad about scheduling that appointment. I finally called the doctor and told them I changed my mind- just to get her to shush....I will never admit it to her face, but I am actually grateful that she was super naggy.
My appointment was in early February. I told Andy to not even take the day off, there was no need for it because everything was going to be OK. My mom and dad took me because I didn't know where I was going and I'm horrible with directions. I get into the room and the tech starts looking around...there's his spine...and his he parts...then she starts getting all kinds of images of his heart. Using buttons and changing the view and colors and listening to sounds...this goes on for a good hour. She then left the room and an actual pediatric cardiologist came in. She looks around some, too, then asks me to go to the restroom because the baby is laying in an odd position and maybe by moving around he'll move too. So I go....then come back still thinking everything is a-ok...until I see my dad in the room now, too. She looks around a little longer, then started talking.
"You're baby has a heart defect." ....she talked for a good 10-15 minutes after this but I honestly don't know anything she said. My brain shut down and my world just started spinning. I was blaming myself...I did this and this and this and I didn't do this and that and it's all my fault.. The cardiologist was talking about surgeries and what would need to happen after he was born. Nothing was really set in stone at this point, I would come back in a few weeks for a confirmation. I sat in the car numb as could be....didn't say much to anyone. I did eat some food- I had to, it was best for the baby. I cried almost the entire trip home. When I got home I continued to cry, for probably 2 weeks off and on- still blaming myself and thinking my baby wouldn't make it. I drove to pick Andy up at work that night. I needed to see him. I needed him...he is my rock...my solid place...my support system and he would make it all better.
I had my second fetal echo at 32 weeks. A different cardiologist did the echo this time- I realllllllyIU OBICU and Riley's NICU, and scheduled an induction for May 2.
This is the end of when Ashley met Andy Pt. 3. I need a break. It still makes me super emotional to talk about all of this...I don't think it will ever really get better. But look...he was definitely a he!!!!
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